So I finally got the guts to ask the guy I've been liking for the past 3 months, if he liked me. Which with the support of my friends, who actually forced me into the situation (Thanks a lot Angie).
I told him after our school's graduation ceremony a few weeks ago. He didn't respond right away, but later that night through an email, he told me his feelings.
We've been going out since, and it has been, by far, the best relationship I've been in. I had one in 6th grade, but that didn't mean anything at all. And the one in 7th grade, was off and on until my freshman year in high school. And then we broke up. Then hooked up during my sophomore year. Which I'm not proud of at all. And then with a streak of bad relationships, and idiotic boyfriends (except for Sam, he's cool), I've been single for 3 years, until now.
After he told me how he felt, I knew something wonderful had happened.
I had known him for a while, and knew what he was like. He's really sweet, and is funny. When people tell him to be quiet, I don't. I enjoy what he has to say, and laugh. He is just himself, and I love that about him. But I fell in love mostly with his smile (and his eyes). His sense of humor, might not match mine all the time, but I love him anyway.
I've met his parents, who actually like me. Which is like a super bonus!! I've met his brother, who is ok.
But here's the awkward part. He has the same first name as my father. His brother has the same name as MY brother, and his mom's name is very similar to my mom's name. It's really weird! But I don't care.
We've gone out places, and we've gone out with groups. I've been to his house to watch a movie.

But I think the thing that assured me about this relationship, was what he told me. I did this survey thing, and posted it to a bulletin on Myspace. And I was completely honest with myself on this thing. It asked things about yourself.
When he read it, he probably was surprised. But what he said to me after that, made me feel like our relationship would last for a very long time. Now, I won't say what the secrets were. He told me, that the past is the past. And all that matters, is that I am better now, and I learned from it. Now him being a christian and all, might sometimes affect his opinion of me, but that didn't seem to be the case. He saw my past choices, and told me that he said he offers his full support, and only wants to make me happy. That he made a promise to be there for me, when he became my boyfriend.
Now, telling him those deep dark secrets that early in a relationship was kind of not right in a way, but he had to find out sooner or later.
Now, every time he says he loves me, I know he means it. Even though love is thrown around, meaningless between friends, but when someone means it, you'll know.

So... I got in trouble with the computer a while ago. Well after said incident... my dad put on parental controls on the computer. He didn't have any before, thinking he could trust me. But I ended up getting in trouble, and now they're on the computer.
He blocked my IMVU account, so I can't talk to my friends on there. He blocked Interactive/Chat sites, like Yahoo! Messenger etc. Which this I don't mind, but I do mind that he blocked IMVU... not under any category, just under User Specified. So I'm mad about that.
But the thing that pisses me off about him... I went up to him, not just too long ago. And asked if he could un-block the Entertainment/Games category. He asks why, and I say, it's because I want to play Runescape (and there are other gaming websites out there that offer free online games). He says he'll see about it, and look at it later. I want to play it now. And I asked if he could just come up now and do it, but he said he has to check out the sites first. Because he wants to see some sites and block those. Which there are Adult games (that I have absolutely NO intention of visiting), which are blocked just by the Adult Content category.
We have Norton Internet Security, and it probably takes some sites and uses more than one block on them... for example an adult chat room would be both Interactive/Chat and Adult Content... so even if he unblocked the Chat, it would still be blocked under Adult Content.
I was bored, and wanted to web surf for some free online games (other than that on Notdoppler and Yahoo! Games... which aren't blocked). And I found a game I wanted to play, and clicked on the sites link. But the page was blocked, and so I couldn't play. So I was stuck playing games on my computer (ie: solitaire) and games I've played hundreds of times before. I get bored with this and want something new.
But he says he just has to see these sites. I want to assure him I won't visit the adult site games, but he can't trust me with that. He has this program that tracks my keystrokes and website visits. So he can just see, when I go to a site to see what I did. I'm not asking for him to un-block the Adult Content, I'm just asking to remove the games. And if I accidentally visit an Adult Game site that's not blocked, I'll leave and have him block it.

I want to tell him this... but we'll probably just get into another argument and I'll just go away fucking pissed... and hating him even more than I do now.

Yes, I admit it. I do hate myself. I hate that I hate myself. Which doesn't make a lot of sense, but who cares? I've done things in my past that I'll later regret, and will never forget. I've done things that will leave lasting emotional and physical scars. I hate myself for these things, but it's happened, and it's the past.
I saw this featured blog about a woman who said she was hot in her new dress, turning heads. She posted a picture, and she looked very beautiful (now I'm not a lesbian, but she was gorgeous). I have very low self-esteem and do have a share of self-loathing, but hey, I'm only human... with a touch of depression, bipolar disorder, and ADHD, but I'm normal, to an extent .
But I also, am completely in love with myself. If I was a man (but still there was me) I'd marry myself! Seriously, I love everything about me! I love that I can stand out, and not care about what others think. I love that I've got one of the most best friends a girl could ask for. I love that I've been through what I've been through at an early age. Because I know how to deal with it later on, it teaches me responsibility. I love that I've got a home and a bed (which I also love.... hahahaha). I love my style, they may not always look great on me, but I love my clothes. I love my face. Not my smile... but my face. I love my eyes, they're beautiful and hazel/brown. I love my hair, I have bad hair days which suck, but I still love my hair! It's my favorite body feature. I love my shoes, I love my room (when it's not dirty ). I love my adorable most charming cute kitty Gracie! She's my most favorite girl every, she loves me, even when I push her away when I'm busy. She runs up to me when I'm home from school, she runs up to me when I'm sick or when I'm crying. I love her and she loves me!
I'm only human, humans have their own individual flaws. I have my own flaws. I deal with them, but it takes time. It takes time to overcome obstacles in life, it takes time to overcome your own self hate. But the day still comes when I will fully love myself, I don't know when, but I know it will come someday!